A month has passed since my older and only brother died due to a brain aneurysm and it feels like it has been three months, not one. I am still not the same as before, my mind still drifting off regularly and I have good days and pretty bad ones, while real writing is sporadic.
I think it is as my now widowed sister-in-law said, that if you haven’t been there you have no idea what it is like, just like people who are not prone to depression and suicidal thoughts have no idea why people get onto high ledges. But I also know that when you’ve been there, when you see someone out on that ledge you are not the one to talk them out of stepping off.
The best you can do is just sit beside them and agree that it sucks, but that life goes on, what ever choice they make. You may not like how they solve their problems, but at least respect them enough to not be lonely while doing so. You might not even like that you are not the one the suffering clings to in their moment of need, but all you can do then is to step back and let them deal with it how they want to. The only thing you can do is watch and check if what they do will not have any long term effect, as in use of drugs or unprotected sex and contracting AIDS.
But for gods sake, don’t moralize, don’t disagree when your opinion solves nothing. What has happened caused enough pain already, so it serves no purpose to fan the flames. The worst you can do is deny them their emotions and expression of them, what ever that expression may be.