Relationships

Yes well why the hell not. I have talked about a lot on this blog already about various things, so why not relationships. Over the years I have been in more romantic involvements than I have fingers and toes and just as quickly as they came they went as well. Why? Who knows. Most of them were just two people looking to be together not to be alone, and things like that just don’t work, not when the two people are mismatched in their interests. I for one can honestly say that I have been pretty much self-involved throughout my life and saw the other person in the relationship as a +1, an extra in the play that was my life starring me, the types that in movies have no talking parts or don’t go any further in acting depth as ‘ do you want fries with shake?’

This went on for a long time, shamefully long now I look back upon that time. Until someone told me that it is not what you get out of a relationship, but what you put into it. For along time I resisted this theory, thinking it was madness to push yourself aside so that the other could go ahead in doing what ever they wanted to do. That was just submission towards the other.

But I was wrong.

For a relationship to stand the test of time, it is a balance between taking time to do the things you have to do, time to do the things you want to and time you spend in giving the other what they need so they can do what they want to do. And then you wait and see if that person wants to do things with you as well. If not, then you have found someone like I was, selfish. If so, then you found someone as I am now, giving. And a relationship can only exist between two giving people, as two selfish people don’t need each other except to use the other to fill the holes in their life, and that is not love, that is use, much like you use a toaster to get toast.

So my advice is to put time aside for the other. Agree to give each other fifteen minutes to talk about day to day things and ask questions: How was work? What when wrong? What was fun? And then it’s your turn for fifteen minutes.
After that you just do something together that doesn’t ask too much of both of you. Watch some TV, a movie, whatever, for 45 minutes, the average TV series. In that time, stay in physical contact. A hand in hand, a foot against a leg or a full cuddle, whatever you both are comfortable with. Learn what the other likes and don’t like.

Then spend half an hour to do chores together. Little things like washing up, folding laundry, but do them together. That way you both can see you are invested in this relationship, not just for the good things, but the stupid things as well.

And when you talk, say please and thank you, ask instead of comment or demand. Give them estimates on when you’ll be away and when you’ll be home and stick to it. If you don’t know how late you’ll be then say that. Don’t complain when something is not done, praise when something is done. If they are in the middle of something, give them time to finish it before interrupting. When things are going good, tell the other how happy you are and go do something special together. When you feel lousy, just be upfront about it and briefly tell the other why so they won’t have to worry.

That’s it. 1 1/2 hour each day and some common courtesies. Some days you do more, some days you do less, it’s all about the average.

It has kept this relationship butterfly happy and content for the last nine years, and still counting. It took me 35 years to learn how important these single tricks are, and you just read them in 5 minutes flat. Not bad use for your time. 🙂

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