Improv breakdown

2 classes in and I found I love doing improv. I mean, I REALLY love it. The problem is that money is tight, and so I offered to work for them in trade. No reaction. So I asked if there was some sort of group-ticket discount. There was, and it made me go ‘awesome! win!’. But now it turns out that there are only classes when there are enough people signing up, which means that every class I will be stuck in the beginner course for people who use it as a party scene. First lesson was with a group of guys out on the town, okay, fine, second class was a birthday party with a bunch of minors. And the things taught were the exact same damn thing! And so I asked the teacher if there were was a lesson plan or something for someone who wanted to become a real performer, preferably with them, and the answer was no.

Well fuck. If there is no graduation, why am I paying you for lessons then? But hey, maybe I am jumping the gun, maybe they want to see what kind of stuff I am made off, so I’ll keep on trucking. So 30 euro’s per head, minimum of 6 people in a group, that is 180 bucks. Nice income on the side to keep the lights on right, plus you get to train new people, right?

Wrong. I asked if there was a class today, the regular scheduled day, answer was no, not enough people subscribed. No class because of not enough people. That is like taking lessons to learn to drive but the teacher will only show up if there are 3 people you can take along, who each will ALSO pay 30 euro’s and then everyone has to take turns driving. What is this to you, a party trick? Are you just using this cool theater you have as a cash cow? You mean to say you don’t want my money? You don’t need the income? Teacher will think it is a waste of his time if he doesn’t have at least 6 people? There is nothing to teach someone who is willing to pay, even if it is one on one? Come on now…

Just pissed is what I am. Pissed and disillusioned. Maybe pissed is too big a word, but annoyed certainly fits. And this is not the only thing that is spinning through my head these days. It is probably still the afterglow depression, but it hurts. I love improv. I would be happy to sweep and mop the floors, serve drinks and collect glasses just to be there. Am I too eager, is that it? Am I too ugly or too old? Do you have a problem with my teeth? What is it, what can I do to get where I feel I want, where I need to be? Should I bail on this place I love and these people I admire, and try elsewhere? I just don’t know anymore.

 

So this is how I get when I really really want something. And this is why normally I don’t allow myself to really really want something. I am jaded in my life because I am bad with stress and bad in dealing with my emotions. Welcome to my world. Got milk?

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